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Sometimes I don’t have the words to say what I’m thinking – to convey what I’ve been doing – to communicate my beliefs and hopes. And, honestly, that’s what’s ben happening here. I’m at a complete loss as to what to say – what to think – what to convey or communicate.

It has been a long time since I have written… a long time since I have wanted to. Why? Because I don’t want to really completely realize that I’m coming home.

41 days.

It doesn’t feel real, and at the same time, it feels too real. It’s almost like it’s too close – like I’m going to turn around and tomorrow I’m going to be getting on that plane. I’m going to be saying farewell to this part of my life… and I’m not going to be returning.

I don’t know how to explain just how sure I am of this, for it doesn’t really make sense, but everything inside of me tells me that if (and when) I go back to the mission’s field, I will be going somewhere besides Africa. I will not be returning to Tanzania. I will not set eyes on this beautiful country again (and I won’t have to deal with the obnoxious people). There are pluses and minuses to it all… and right now, it’s hard to focus on the pluses. It feels like, for the first time in my life, I’m closing the first book of my life. I don’t think that our lives are just one book and that each part of our lives are sentences, paragraphs and chapters. No, I think we have a complete library for our lives. Some people have little children’s books… some people have blank books… some people just have so much happen that by the time they are my age, they already have a thousand books. But me, everything in my life has been so connected up until now that I have to say it’s been one book so far. And now, with the future of going home looming in the future, I’m finishing up this books… this last chapter of the first part of my life… and I’m going to be starting a new one.

All of it is forcing me to really think, communicate, pray, and… honestly… worry.

I’m not a worrier. I have never been before, but there are so many unknowns in my immediate future, and that has never happened to me before. I have never been in this situation. It’s good to have new experiences, but honestly, I don’t think I like being where I am right now – feeling like I’m in limbo.

I don’t know where I’m going to school in the fall. I want to go to one school, and I was just accepted to it this week, but I do not know what will transfer yet. Now I wait on my toes.

I don’t know where I will live in the fall. I want to have my own place, honestly, because I have been living on my own for the past 9 months and I don’t want to have to live with anyone else. But this would be bad for me, as I have found just how prone I am to be an extreme introvert given the opportunity. I need a roommate.

I don’t know what kind of place I will live in. Dorm? Apartment? House? I don’t know.

I don’t know what I’m going to be doing this summer. I have no plans for jobs or volunteer work. I have few set plans for vacations and things like that. Overall, the idea of having so much free time frightens me. I’ve had about a year of too much free time, and I haven’t liked it.

I don’t know who I’m returning to. I have stayed in contact with few people, which I expected, but I am fully aware of the relationship drift that can happen when one is gone for so long. I don’t know which of the people I haven’t been so much in contact with will immediately pick up where we left off… I don’t know even if the ones I did stay in contact with will.

Sure, there are other things, but those are the most pressing, the most limbo-making. They are constantly on my mind, and although I do not wish to worry, I do have to prepare in some way, shape or form. And mostly, right now, me preparing looks like me thinking.

I leave Dodoma for the last time on Tuesday. This means all the friends I have made out here – the ones that I’m really close to – I have to say goodbye to them a month before I leave Tanzania. I will not see them again. I wish I would see them again. I wish it was simple to come visit or to make sure I see them if and when they come to the states, but I cannot say that will happen. This is my farewell, and it feels so unfair to me because I’M NOT LEAVING YET! But also because I’m closer to these people than most of the people in Magambua. These people have invested in my life in a way that I will never be able to repay. They have loved me, hugged me (which doesn’t happen often here), seen me for who I am… they have invited me places and included me. They’ve laughed with me, shared stories with me, listened to me. We’ve had prayer together and devotions together and church together. We’ve worshipped together in English and in Swahili.

And I have to say goodbye.

But not only will I have to say goodbye to them, I will have to say goodbye to Safina – the organization that I fell in love with in December. Because of circumstances, I have not been over there this past week. I hope to go on Monday… I am going to talk to a friend about whether she will be there or not. I pray that she is. But, circumstances were not the only issue. I didn’t want to face it – I didn’t want to walk into the organization knowing that it would be the last time I saw those boys and girls… knowing that they would feel like I was abandoning them again, but this time for real. I have been back a lot, and so many of them remember me, but when I return this next time, I don’t know how many will understand that I’m not coming back.

And I have to say goodbye.

41 days. And no more Swahili. Yes, I will be able to talk with a couple from my church, but they ministered in Kenya and I was in Tanzania… which, from what I understand, have very different forms of the same language. I am not sure how well we will understand each other. Besides this, I don’t know how many people I will encounter that speak it. Most people won’t… and the few that do… well, who’s to say that I will meet them? By God’s grace, I will, but I cannot know what He has in store for me regarding the language. It has been frustrating trying to learn a language in just a few months. I came here not even knowing how to say “hello”, and now I can actually have conversations. I’m still shy about what I say, and I wish I knew so much more, but every time I come into town, I learn and learn. It’s frustrating going back to the village because at lease 85% of my ministry is in English, and most of the villagers don’t think I speak much Swahili at all. I rarely have conversations while in Magambua, and overall, the Swahili I run into most is from kids, which means I’m getting horrible grammar skills. With 9 months of practice, 10 when I leave, I cannot imagine never using it again in my life. But, honestly, that’s how it feels. And it’s disheartening.

There are about a thousand other things running through my head, but I think I’m done writing about my “doom and gloom”. I would prefer to spend the rest of this time telling you each about the beautiful things that the Lord has been teaching me.

I want to end on a happy note.

I have never been so fascinated by hugs. A few weeks ago I was saying goodbye to some friends who were on their way home after a craft-night. It had been a wonderful evening, and it was wonderful getting to know these girls a little better. Man. I will miss them. One offered me a hug and said something about how I probably hardly get them, which led me to thinking. Hardly ever… and I wanted to say it was okay – I wanted to be strong enough to say that – but the truth is that I miss hugs. I miss encouragement. I miss my family and friends who lay hands on me when they pray. I did not say this out loud, and I could not have articulated my thoughts if I had tried, but whatever I did say set off a reaction. I got hugs from three people that night. And I will never take hugs for granted again.

Also a few weeks ago, during a prayer meeting of sorts, it was shared how powerfully God is moving in a village not that far from Magambua. There is a team there working with this un-reached people group. I met the team back in October, and I wish that I could go visit them or something before leaving, but sadly, that will not happen. Anyway, it was said, by someone who would know because he visited, that for the past year and a half the team has not seen much within the people. They have shared the Gospel story so many times, but no one had accepted Christ. No one had wanted to. There seemed to be less and less interest, actually. The team was getting very discouraged. When the man told me about his visit, I was expecting much of the same that I had heard before, but that was not what he had to say in the least. He walked into the village and was greeted by a mama “Bwana safiwe” (I don’t know if it’s spelled right, but it means, basically, PRAISE THE LORD! Naturally, the man was floored. Not only this, though… he found that some people had received Jesus, and one lady had been healed from her infertility by the Lord! So, PRAISE THE LORD!

I think that I have other stories, but they have all left my mind now. It is late and I have written enough. Thank you for reading. Thank you for praying. Thank you for your gifts.

Continue with God,
M.

I wanted to change the world – and somehow I thought that I would. It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

I think it does.

It has been a strange year – one that I wasn’t prepared for, and you know what? I’m glad that I wasn’t prepared. I mean, how much of life are we prepared for? I would venture to say none.

I can honestly say that I have finally come to terms with not changing the world – with only sending out as much good influence as I possibly can while I’m here – to be the best that I can be. I guess, really, to show people what a woman of God can look like. And oh, that’s a pretty hard thing to do. But I can tell that the Lord wants me to be as good an example as I can be – mostly because He always wants that.

Recently I’ve become aware of just how the Lord can work with different people in different ways to get the same outcome. I know someone who’s also questioning what he will do in the future – where to go – what to do – who to listen to. And that’s exactly where I was only a few short weeks ago ( months?). And I still don’t know what I’m doing in the future. What will I do when this phase of my life is over?

Well, I do know that  I will still be glorifying the Father, no matter what. he has just given me an overwhelming peace about waiting – patience at its finest. And I will boast in the Lord because of it. He has proven over and over that He is strong in my weaknesses, but this is just one of those moments when it shows up so well all over again.

So, what have I been doing since last I posted? Well, growing. I had a birthday last week. So now I’m 21! WOOHOO! One mile-marker down. I’ve also been teaching, every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and most Fridays. The boys are really learning, but I do have to say that the BEST accomplishment that both of them are still working on is saying their R’s correctly. I can only continually thank Him for preparing me with all those voice lessons so that I could actually help them. There are other things that He’s prepared me for too… in fact, too many to list. But now you at least know that they exist. The Eagers in general are doing very well, in fact, they are away from the village at the moment meeting up with Jon’s parents. They will be in a national park for a few days, than back to the village life. But not school. I won’t be there.

I’m in town. YAY! The Lord has blessed me with friends here, and so, with my time off, I’m here to share it with a few other people who are part of my life. I’m pretty sure that I’ve mentioned it before, but I thought I would again.

I think now would be a good time to highlight my birthday – because it was REALLY good. So, none of you have to feel sorry for me. All the wazungu met over at the Eager’s for dinner. We had Chicken Divan. YUM! I, of course, had to wear a birthday hat. (yuck) We had green beans and salad to accompany the fine meal. Than after a long time enjoying each other’s company, we had dessert (CHEESECAKE), and I opened presents. What did I get?! Well, a cookbook, a bar of Swiss chocolate, a sign that said “Happy Birthday Miss Meredith”, and a Tanzanian bowl. The Lord blessed me SO much, and I can honestly say that it was so much better than I was expecting it would be when I left the states in August. So, now you don’t have to feel sorry for me.

I appreciate all the prayer that you have been sending up for me, and ask that you continue to do so. The crops out in Magamubua are suffering because of unpredictable rain. Please pray that the Lord sends just enough, not too much, not too little. Pray also that I stay save for the rest of my duration here. I’m going to blink and suddenly I’ll be home. I’m not sure I’ll be prepared for that either. I thank you again.

I hope all is well on the home front.

Love you all,

M.

Damp earth. Does anything smell just as wonderful? I was thinking this only a moment ago – plotting what I would write here. Thinking to myself, “I shall write something magnificent”. Of course, thoughts like that are rarely fulfilled when we are the ones at the other end of them too. So, prepare yourself for something completely miserable.

I kid you… I don’t have anything miserable to say.

Damp earth. I took a short walk today, outside, admiring the beautiful world that the Lord saw fit to put us on. It has not rained in some time… thankfully the clouds are building. But the stream that flows just beside the church has basically dried up. I walked that bed until I came to a field lined with sunflowers. But I was thinking to myself, “right now, I do not feel a world away from home.” And I didn’t. I felt as though I were only visiting a field not five minutes from my house. Thankfully, damp earth smells the same no matter where one is.

It is a smell that I hope will be in heaven. Perhaps it will rain all the time there… or not at all. I am thinking that rain is a small glimpse of what we can expect. But also, I am thinking about the lessons that we can learn from nature. Yes, I do think I am jumping from subject to subject as well. I wish that my mind would stay on one task, but alas, it does not. Have you ever thought about the lessons that the Lord has put into nature for us? Like how a butterfly is formed from a caterpillar… we needn’t fear pain, for out of it we grow into beauty. Or how when a flower dies, another will pop up in it’s place next year… some things in life are a cycle, all we have to do is settle down long enough to enjoy it. Birds build nests, but they rarely stay in them long… perhaps we were meant to fly across the world too. Damp earth comes after a sprinkle, but rainbows come after a thunderstorm… this one is easy to understand, and so I won’t add my own flare to it. I think nature is one of those things that the Lord has given to us to enjoy, but also to learn from. But then, perhaps that is He idea about everything in life (or it’s mine).

I’ve always thought that rain was Sky’s way of telling Earth that he loves her. They are SO close, and yet never truly occupy the same space. What a terribly romantic story they tell. Earth rises up to touch Sky with its mountains, and Sky reaches down to touch earth with its tears. Only at sunset and sunrise do they truly inspire one another, but all day long, one can feel the tremble of joy and sorrow as the two only stare at one another. And when the clouds start to darken the sky – when it starts to vibrate with rain and lightening that have not yet begun – when the smell of dampness and Rain’s wishes fill my nose – I know that somehow I am caught in a terrifically tragic warfare. Perhaps that is why I like storms so much. I wonder, sometimes, if Sky is showing off or trying to find something in the darkness of night.

So, you have heard some of my romantic thoughts – some of the things I usually keep to myself. I hope you have enjoyed them, for I fear the I will feel very foolish once I click “publish”, but sometimes I cannot help the thoughts that I think, or the words that I write. Words are so beautiful, if you have ever had time to notice. They are a conviction and a thought – a deed and an idea. They are full and empty. They are a complete contradiction, and yet, with everything else failing, they somehow are able to stand the test of time. I imagine myself to be an authoress sometimes too, but I think that the idea is something more than the actual being of it. For ideas, like words, can be so far better than reality. I’ve heard that one should write about one knows, but I am not that type of person. I like to write exactly about what I do not know. It is so much more exciting. But sometimes I don’t wonder if perhaps that is why I shall never actually be an authoress. Romantic thoughts and words can only go so far. But do not pity me, for there are far better things to be, and I will not miss out on life solely because it would like me to.

Today I was thinking to myself, “Meredith, you have a wanderlust yet.” Here I am, halfway across the world, and I have been for the past almost 6 months, and I am dreaming of other places – Europe, India, China, Australia, etc. I was walking today, enjoying the African world around me, when it suddenly hit me that I will not be in the least satisfied when I come home. I will still want to roam and see and stand and smell all the places that I possibly can. I will just have to wait some time, for I have two more years of university ahead of me yet. But still, it was a fascinating thought. To be so far away from everything and to know in the heart of my heart that I still have adventures waiting for me.

But this has been an adventure too. Though, half the time now, I feel as though I am already saying goodbye. Time flies so quickly, and as I grow older, I find that it goes quicker with time. I am of the opinion that it is because time gets to be less and less of one’s life as one grows older. Why, when I was 15, a year was only a mere 15th of my life. But here I am, 20, and 6 months is a 40th of my life. How strange it is, then, when I feel like time is flying, but when I think about something that did not happen so long ago, it feels like ages have past. Such as Christmas… it was only a month ago. I spent it in Dodoma, though, and it feels to me as though it were at least three months since I left on a plane to come back. But, then, that may be because I happen to be rather lonesome here, and those two weeks stand out like a shining star in my history.

I don’t mean to be dramatic, but I can see that I am. I still love it here. I still love the people, and mind you, they have even grown on me. They have been a consolation when I am down, and a further joy when I am up. I still love the Eagers, and I am finding out every day that teaching is not as bad as I once imagined it to be. No, I rather enjoy my routine here, but somehow I wish that there was no routine. I guess that’s the wanderlust inside of me, though, screaming to be released. I imagine that with time, routine will be a comfort once again, but I think it will be better when I’m back on American soil – where routine sounds like something that belongs. Here, on this African terrain, I wonder sometimes how many American ideas and ideals I have brought with me… I realize that it’s more than I will ever really know, though.

I think I have written enough thoughts to satisfy any curious minds. As you can see, I am doing well… and I have too much time to analyze just about everything. But then, I like analyzing.

So, to you, faithful reader, I give my warmest wishes. The Lord that is watching over me is watching over you as well, of that I am sure. He holds us both in His hands, just like that little song says… so even though we are far away from one another… even though our hearts do not really beat with the same beat or strum the same tunes, know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. I hope that you lift me up every once in awhile, for I know that I need it.

Best wishes and blessings,
M.

Thankfulnesses:

January 25 – My cat
January 26 – Time to read
January 27 – Love of children
January 28 – Patience
January 29 – Medicines
January 30 – Sleep
January 31 – Chocolate cake
February 1 – Cats forgive too
February 2 – Cousins
February 3 – Love of life
February 4 – Words and thoughts
February 5 – Food
February 6 – The ability to do good work
February 7 – Sleeping in past 6:30

Booklist:

4. “Queen of the Big Time” by Adriana Trigiani
a. Historical fiction novel set in first half of the 1900′s
b. The story follows the heroin throughout her life in “Little Italy” Pennsylvania. She’s a smart, foolish, girl, and like most has her share of mistakes and responsibilities. Because it follows her life, the reader feels a connection with Nella that is almost as if she were a friend, or close relative. Although it does not come across as something that will jerk tears, in the end, I could not help but find myself drowning. So sweet, so beautiful. The writing is strange; however, as it is all in present tense (or at least most of it). When I picked it up and started reading, I was not sure I would be able to finish, but as the story went on, I found a love for the character that made me finish the story. It was a great read.
5. “Out of the Crucible” (Treasure Quest Books) by Marian Wells
a. Historical fiction, Christian novel, based in mid-eighteen-hundreds
b. The sequel to “Colorado Gold”, this story continues to follow a young couple as they battle the new roads that marriage brings. Against all odds, not only do they find how much love they have, but they also show the girl’s parents and another couple what it all really means. I did not really like it, and it took me forever to actually finish it. But it’s a book that can be marked off my list. I will not be reading the third or fourth books of the series, of that you can be sure.
6. “Jael’s Story” (Women of the Bible) by Ann Burton
a. Christian fiction based in Bible times
b. This story follows the life of Jael, the woman famed with having driven a stake through the skull of Isreal’s enemy. She was not an Isrealite, and so her story is strange, but also in the Bible, it does not go into great details. The author tried to stay true to traditions that surrounded those times, and also built a story that allowed the reader to believe why Jael did what she did. She was led by the Lord to conquer the enemy, but this book gives a little more to her story. It was a good read… also a fast one. I enjoyed it and would recommend it, but to anyone that wants to read it, I would warn you, it’s not exactly a heartfelt story.
7. “A Thousand Splendid Suns” by Khaled Hosseini
a. Historical Fiction based in pretty modern times
b. The story is set in Afghanistan and follows the life of a woman named Mariam. It follows the cultural customs, and what happened to women during the times of war and take over that were not so far off. The book is split into parts and the second part follows a young girl names Laila. The two girls meet, but I won’t tell you how, and form a bound that is unbreakable – even by death. The author wrote another book , “The Kite Runner”, which you may have heard of… if so, than you may be familiar with the way the author unites the truth of history with the story, also truthful, of women during those times. It was gripping, and extremely saddening. I am glad I read it, and I would recommend it, but I think it was one of those books you can only read once. Another reading might muddy the water that for now is clear from the parasite of criticism.
8. “Anne of Green Gables” (The Anne of Green Gables Novels #1) by LM. Montgomery
a. Fiction, set in the not too distant past
b. Canada. I grew up knowing ABOUT Anne, but I had not seen the movie or read any of the books until this week. Funny how things like that happen, huh? Anyway, I had not known that it was set in Canada… and that’s all I mean to say about that. Other than that, I realize that it’s a pretty “childish” book to be reading and admitting to, but I think that the thought I just wrote down is wrong. That is why I had not thought of reading the books previous to now. I think this book was perfectly lovely. I loved the words that Anne used, and the way the author wrote. The only thing I can say that I do not like is how quickly Anne’s life flashes before her. She goes from 11 to 15 in a mere 308 pages. I guess I’m a little infatuated with the girl though. She’s inspired me to continue reading, and to love words all the more just for the sounds they make.
9. “Anne of Avonlea” (The Anne of Green Gables Novels #2) by L.M. Montgomery
a. Fiction
b. I think I liked this one better, even though Anne is a bit more sensible. The characters that showed up were quite lovely, and it makes me excited to read another one of the series. Which I will be doing promptly. Anne grows to be around 18 by the end of this book, which I find rather more fitting in its 276 pages. I enjoyed them all though, and I wish that the books where my own so that I could mark quotes that I especially liked. I know, I should write more about what happened in the book, but I just have this feeling that everyone already knows. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t pick up a “classic” until well past the age when you were “supposed” to read it.
10. “Anne of the Island” (The Anne of Green Gables Novels #3) by L.M. Montgomery
a. Fiction
b. I cannot imagine a more fitting book at the end of the first three. I almost don’t want to read the rest of the six, but I will. I know I will. I can’t quite warp my head around how quickly the time flies in the books, but I will not complain. All the characters are quite loveable, and they all stay pretty much the same people, even when they do learn things. This is probably something that I shall always credit L.M. Montgomery for… I know how hard it is to keep all characters the same. Our minds want to change people so drastically at times.
11. “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett
a. Historical Fiction based in 1960′s
b. Sometimes books make you think while you read them… sometimes they make you think after you read them. This is one of those books that does both. Life in Jackson, Mississippi during this time doesn’t sound like something many people would parade around about now. I think it’s as truthful as it can be, but as the author said in the back of the book, it has both too little AND too much information. I find that an interesting combination. The book is based on three women: a white woman, Skeeter, and two black women, Aibileen and Minny. They have no relationship at the beginning of the book, but by the end of it, you see that all three have been able to cross that invisible line between then – at least a little. Most of the time things are strained, but at the end, the reader is able to close the book with the feeling of being more educated – and liking it.

And so some adventures start.

The beginning of this past week I spent in Magambua as the only Mzungu (not Mtanzanian). And because of that, and because perhaps the people here thought that I went with the Eagers to Dodoma, it was very quite. It was also strange, because I am not used to being here and having nothing to do for so many days in a row.

So, I planned the rest of the school year regarding writing. That took a long while, but now that it is done, I do not have to worry about the next 157 days that I am in Africa. Yes, that’s right – I have started my count down. This week is the halfway mark, and I figured that it would be just fine if I started to count down to being HOME starting the beginning of the year. With that being said – it’s very satisfactory to have the number change every single day that passes. I had been counting months, and I hadn’t been counting down, so now that I have, I fully understand why my sister has been counting down from the very first day that I left home. I think she told me on August 17th how many days it was going to be before I was going to see her. Then it sounded like a million years, but now – now it sounds like it’s just around the corner.

Can you believe that on the 19th I will only have 5 months left?

I am having a very hard time at it… I mean, believing. I feel as though so much has happened, and then I feel like nothing has happened at all. Which is a very strange mix of emotions, if you don’t mind my saying. However, instead of this going into anything about the past five months, I am rather going to write about this week… or continue doing so.

I spoke with my family for a while last Sunday, which is always a blessing. I miss them so much, but each new day that passes, I have come to more fully realize what a blessing they are. So many new things are happening in their lives, and I wish I was home for them – but I know that I am where I am supposed to be, and I hope that brings comfort to them, for it brings comfort to me. The beginning of this week was very hard emotionally, but the Lord has been working on my heart every day – and I couldn’t be more aware of just how much His grace has sustained me. On Monday I did my planning. On Tuesday, I took the Eager’s dogs on a walk. We went down a path for about 45 minutes before turning around. It was so peaceful and beautiful… and I was not frightened at all. The land – the Africa has become a little part of my heart – and I don’t believe that it will ever leave. That makes me a little happy.

On Wednesday, because the Eagers came back the night before, Josh and Drew and I did school. Oh, teaching is such a joy and a pain. I love those boys – but something I just want to throttle them. I hope that isn’t a horrible thing for me to say. If it is, I apologize. Thankfully, I never give into the desire… and somehow I am to keep most of my cool, calm and collected self just that – again, the Lord’s grace in action. Each new week presents new things to learn and new problems to solve, and it’s a joy to watch these boys do it. I’m excited to see what they will surprise me with next.

BUT, something else happened on Wednesday. Since I came to Magambua, I have been presented with the open opportunity to see a birthing. I have, or at least some part of me has, wanted to see the birth of a child for a while. I had to get my courage around me to say that I actually was interested, and this past Wednesday, my chance arrived. I had not wanted to go in the night, for though I am not scared of the dark, I am scared of the animals I can’t see when walking home. Anyway, that afternoon, a pregnant woman had come to the clinic, and after Jon checked it out, it seemed like a very good opportunity. It was the third child of the baby, and things seemed to be going along pretty well – and pretty quickly. So, I walked up to the clinic with Jon and… waited. And waited. And waited. And I saw the mother, and I saw her family, and I greeted all of them. And finally, at about 5:30, it was time to put on gloves and get ready – cause that baby was coming. It’s hot here, not Georgia summer hot, but hot. And there is not air conditioning… and when the wind doesn’t blow through the windows, there is not circulation. After a few minutes of being in the “gear” (which was a smock and gloves) I got pretty hot. So, I decided I would walk over to the other window and see if the airflow was any better. And well, not halfway there, I turned to Jon and said, “I think I need to go outside.” I think I heard him say, “Yeah, okay.” But I’m not sure, because the next thing I really knew, I was on the ground looking up at four African Mamas holding my feet up and staring down at me. That’s right – I fainted. Thankfully, Jon had caught me. So, needless to say, I did not see the birth like I wanted to… but I did learn something valuable. Even if I think I am strong enough for something, that doesn’t mean I am – even if I want something, that doesn’t mean it’s what’s best for me. Although I would like to say that it was just the heat of the day and the circumstance sort of mixed, that if I had been in America, in an air conditioned room, I wouldn’t have fainted, I cannot say that for sure. All I know is that I won’t be seeing a birthing here – which sort of makes me sad.

Thursday and Friday were just school days, but on Friday night some friends came for the weekend.

So, all in all, it’s been a good week. And now you know… it’s a little different here.

I love you all!
Mere

Thankfulnesses:
January 8 – Songs in all languages
January 9 – Rain
January 10 – The God speaks through nature
January 11 – An evident plan
January 12 – Family
January 13 – Spending time with friends
January 14 – Time to relax
January 15 – Imagination

Books:
2. “Sense and Sensibility” by Jane Austin
a. Historical Fiction novel set in the 1800′s (Britain)
b. Everyone has heard of this story – and many people have seen the film. This is probably one of the only books of Jane Austin’s that got turned into a film that I did not see. Well, I have not seen. Now that I have read the book, I plan on watching the movie. It was an interesting story, though very predictable (perhaps because I am rather familiar with Jane Austin’s work). The story follows two sisters who travel through the ups and downs of society together. They both fall in love, but the men with whom they do not seem to be in the future of either. Story ends, of course, where both are wretchedly happy – even if nothing turned out like a fairytale.
3. “Only the River Runs Free” by Bodie and Brock Thoene
a. Historical Fiction novel set in 19th century Ireland
b. This story followers a young heir who has lost his small “kingdom” to an evil uncle. While this may sound like a fairytale, it really isn’t. For throughout the whole novel, the reader is faced with the political side of things. This is the time that England was trying to make Ireland very much English. A rather strange set of circumstances – for I do not know much about this history of Ireland, but that makes me all the more glad that I read the book. It was well written, and truly a page-turner. I would recommend it to anyone that it looking for a quick read that is also very much entertaining.

“Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do what is good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” – 1 Peter 3:10-12

It’s a new year – one that doesn’t feel like it should have started so quickly – one that doesn’t feel like it came – the first beginning that has no “start of something new” (yes, I am thinking of High School Musical).

So, I will make a new beginning. I resolve to be much more thankful this year – in fact, I will write something that I am thankful for. Starting, yesterday.

January 1 – Meeting new people.

January 2 – Shopping when you have nothing you really want.

I have other resolutions too. I plan on reading every book of the Bible that I have not read the whole thing yet. I also plan on reading 100 other books this year (I will write titles and authors, and maybe short paragraphs about them). I plan on finishing my Colossians study (DO YOU HEAR THAT PARTNER? Yes, that shout out was to someone specific). None of these will be too hard, and that’s why I’m doing this.

I have resolved that this year will be different.

Now, to other news…

I go back to Magambua tomorrow morning. I have been in Dodoma for 2 weeks, and I feel like I have not even sunk my feet into the dirt. Something about being here has livened my spirit, but also shown me so much in slow motion – I will forever be grateful.

It seems that my 2 week stays places are the ones that change me the most. First Morogoro, now Dodoma. It strikes me as a bit funny, actually. But then, maybe that’s why I have only come for the short amount of time (or stayed for the short amount of time). It’s just enough time for me to get a new perspective so that I cam go back to Magambua.

I am not sure that I have been completely honest, but I feel that I must at this point in time because I am dreading heading back (even on the plane that I’m riding in). I do not want to teach anymore. I do not want to have only one family of English-speaking neighbors. I cannot begin to express how this whole excursion is weighing on my heart and my mind. To be where I KNOW I am suppose to be – and feel like I belong everywhere else. I don’t mean that entirely, for I do belong in Magambua, but it begins to feel like only routine… or maybe I just have too much time alone. So, there you have it, the missionary life is not all fun and dandy – no. It’s hard work… it’s working where you don’t want to, when you don’t to, doing what you don’t want to. I praise the Lord that I am with people that I want to be with – otherwise I would be totally at a loss.

Sometimes I feel as though I am only giving, giving, giving. And I don’t mean money, but I do mean energy and time. But then, I suppose that’s what I get for working outside of my gift. I have been completely blessed to be able to work with Safina, for otherwise, I do not believe I would have received any sort of re-energizing for my job. And by that, I mean that while I have been re-energized with friends and social visits, there is just something different about becoming re-energized for your work. I don’t really know how to explain, but I hope that you understand.

I love you all!

M.